family

[The following few graphs are from October, but nothing has changed. This very day, for instance, I took both of my parents to the dentist -- each one had a significant appointment. After filling out their paperwork, I bounced back and forth all afternoon, between my father's and my mother's treatment rooms, answering questions, providing comfort, taking notes on treatment plans, having info faxed to and from their previous dentist, ad nauseam. My brother says that the only difference between caring for his granchildren and his parents - which he never does -- is "weight." That's almost obscene to suggest. Try emotional weight. But that's the thing, he's emotionally detached from everything that my parents go through on a daily basis. It probably makes things easier for him. Well, good for him. My Dad has symptoms consistent with Alzheimer's, and my Mom is still recovering from hip replacement surgery. I feel bad for them in so many ways, including the fact that they both rely on me for almost everything. They're wonderful, amazing, honorable people, deserving more than this.  OK. Here is my entry.]



It’s vulgar. The intense sunshine of a Texas fall afternoon -- a day that feels like summer. I’m propped up in bed still trying to recup from a Sciatica exacerbation, a back injury sustained from lifting my Dad, who weighs some two-hundred and forty pounds, several times a day for weeks. The poor man is again being cared for around the clock by attendant nurses, and my Mom and I are left to hold each other up in an increasingly sad and difficult set of circumstances.

We drove fifteen hundred miles to be closer to immediate family, and now feel more alone and desperate than ever before. My oldest brother asked us for years to move down here, and now that we have, he has endless trump cards -- everything is more important than his parents. Work. His grandchildren, who he is helping to raise because the parents, including my niece, are too irresponsible and young. The karaoke singer that my Sister-In-Law manages as she tries to become an actual performer takes precedence. My Sister-In-Law herself, and her much celebrated suffering to take care of her own beautiful grandchildren. For her efforts of taking care of them a portion of the day, not only is she paid financially, but is taken out for the finest meals in the city, along with trips to the coast, and is out driving around on her own to escape, somewhere, anywhere, at least once a day.

In the meantime, we’ve gone through some of the worst times of our lives, alone, with family less than an hour away. Alone.

Thank God for family.